25 Jan 2012
The ID has controlPosted under Uncategorized Tags: army, boyfriend, fixed computer, marines
Ok. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Well, this isn’t some strange hacker, it’s me again. And after reading my last post, no, I didn’t end my life; my computer did. I was too broke to fix it, so I went internetless for quite some time. That is until I got an amazing present for my birthday! Ta-da! A new cable to keep my computer alive, so I can waste countless hours yet again!
Er-hem. Now to an update that I’m sure all of you are on pins and needles waiting to hear about it.
Marines update: I made my weight goal, filled out all of my paperwork, only to be told that I’m too blind. It was a slap to the face, but my high test scores coupled with my degree and flawless moral record have led them to try and get a waiver. Ok, I can live with that. That is, until the main doctor at MEPS told me that I have a 30% chance of getting in, realistically speaking. I appreciate his honesty, but I’m quite heart broken. To top off that bitter taste in my military wanting mouth, my recruiter now tells me that I won’t get a response about my waiver for about 3 to 6 months. “Hrmm, really? Because two weeks ago I was told by you and the other recruiters that it would only take a week or two…!” So, now I pace back and forth about this whole process. I’m nearly tempted to take my resume to the Army and see them take a few whacks at the waiver situation. Ho-hum, ho-hum.
I’ve taken this whole situation under the premise that I most likely won’t get in, so I’ve established Plan C of working myself into the medical field and Plan D of getting involved in the criminal justice field, just incase (with Plan B being the military and my old Plan A being getting a job with my degree). I’m upset about the whole ordeal, but I’m going to do what I always do: Deal with it! Those aren’t really the fields that I want, but I respect them enough to set myself up on a career path in them. I’d rather be able to pursue the things outside of work, due to financial freedom that these jobs can give me, than to sit and huff and whine in a retail, all the while making little to no progress. I’m tough and I can handle these decisions in a realistic manner. (at least I think so).
Love life update: So, um, yup. I’ve been seeing someone awesome for a few months now. He and I get along tremendously and the little butterflies in my stomach feel as if they were snorting crack. 
He was shy in the beginning, but it was worth getting to know him. Were similar in the important aspects and complimentary different in others. I’m glad I was impatient and just asked him out. He agrees too.
Other than those few topics above, I’m still livin’ life large in the same crappy basement with the semi-high rent that I can barely afford. I’m working on the things that bother me, so life isn’t so bad, not really. I’ve continued on with my dream of writing a book, which is still in its early stages being outlined and detailed exstensively. I weasel in workouts, so I won’t gain the weight back. I also have a social life of sorts outside of the wonderful guy that’s in my life at the moment. Good outweighs the bad in life for me at the moment and I’m basking in that fact. I’m sure I won’t be commenting in here for a while (due to the fact I’m trying to get myself either in the military or in a CNA program), but I shall try my best to analyze life, rather than simply state it. That’s the goal of the blog in the end…as well as forcing internet surfers to read poetry from what I’m a fan of or of my own pen.
27 Sep 2011
The ID has controlPosted under Uncategorized Tags: happiness, selfish, suicide
My old boss of last summer ended his life today.
I recieved a call from a fellow coworker of the past. A chain game of letting everyone know, what a burden. Unlucky, no it’s more than that for an adjective kind of news. I’m hearing how its affecting others. It hasn’t hit my fellow friend yet. He’s waiting around alone for it to. They were pretty close. I really hope he handles it ok.
And me you ask? I feel bad for the survivors. His wife is left with two kids to raise on her own, with the newest just being born this year. They also have the business, his life long dream, they built together; now she has to run it too. I don’t know if she’ll bear it or sell it and move away from everything.
Other than feeling bad for others feeling bad, I strangely am not mourning. I mean, he’s a nice guy, but for some odd reason (at least it feels a bit odd to me), his death hasn’t punched a hole in my heart the way it should. I do feel a bit wrong because I’m not feeling the way I should. And then there’s a thought I’m having that’s turning his death around and making it all about me; almost narcissistic of me (well it actually IS narcissistic of me). I’m focusing on how I’m reacting, not on his actual death. Why am I almost apathetic about this? And why am I making his death all about me (only internally of course)?
I’m also reanalyzing my life because of this. Like my old boss, I’m a person of many layers. I seem very strong, confident, vibrant, and there’s a lot of potential in me. What I am wondering now is he had what seemed like a wonderful life. I know there’s a million things I don’t know and can only speculate about, but why wasn’t he happy? He went after what he wanted and continued to live the dream he created. I can’t say that about myself. I have nothing compared to him, yet I still keep struggling. I’m friendless, careerless, loveless (in the relationship sense), my living conditions are oppressive and sad, my family is broken and scattered, and I continue to become more antisocial as the weeks go by. Yet I’m still here. I don’t even have things to look forward to like he did (again I’m assuming). I have vague notions of what might make me happy in the future, but I’ve always had that. I would tell myself as a child that things would get better once I moved out, then it was things would get better once I had a degree, then once I had a stable job, and now it’s when I get into the military. Yes dreams are nice, but they don’t help the present. Those distant ideas don’t make me happy now, all they are is something to struggle towards. Is my life going to be one struggle after the next, one after another after another? I don’t know, it’s just a pattern that I’ve had since I can first remember. I’ve only had ideas to cling to. When do I stop trying and why do I continue to try?
I know I am supposed to enjoy the present, but presently I have nothing to look forward to, not in the immediate future anyways. This sounds a bit selfish (and it is), but its how I feel at the moment. It will pass when I distract with work and sleep and exercising. I’m pretty good at shoving unhealthy thoughts away. Dwelling on them only leads me to self-pity parties, which I honestly can’t stand. So where do I go from these thoughts? At the moment I’m trying to think of anything that I can do to make the present not seem so… I don’t know how to describe it except with an inadequate “unhappy”. Literally I have nothing but what’s left for me, those stupid vague notions. And I continue to move forward, struggling, over and over, towards those ideas. Then when I reach them and I’m still unhappy, I invent new ones. Thus is my cycle that I’m only too aware of after the news of his death. And there we have it, selfish thoughts are what consume me tonight, ladies and gentlemen, instead of mourning the loss of someone I knew.
21 Sep 2011
The ID has controlPosted under Uncategorized Tags: determination, flax seed, marines, running
So I’m sort of stuck at a difficult decision. Do I keep going to Marine Warrior Nights or do I stop?
To start off with, I went today. I gave it my all until the running portion came up and then I quickly walked to my car (like I normally do). I was confronted, yet again, by the “guide”. He’s honestly a wonderful guy, who’s also a coworker, but every time I leave when the running starts, he humiliates me. I’m already feeling crappy and his “urging” and sometimes pleading with me to run with the group only makes me feel even worse. I know my limits and I do go running, just on my own. Everytime I go train, we go through this little “charade” and everytime I feel like crap. So this happens again today, but this time he adds (after he sees he’s “defeated” yet again) that I shouldn’t be coming if I’m not going to run. That I’m just wasting my time and theirs. At first this just angers me and I agree with him. I really shouldn’t be coming if I can’t run with the group. Really. This thought has crossed my mind a million times, but I keep coming in hopes that one day I’ll be ready (and by one day, I mean a month or two more).
Another trainee (or poolee as they call us) sees how angry I’ve become and how I’m almost ready to jump in car and drive off in a huff, when she convinces me to “jog” with her, away from the group. Her pleading wins out, so I jog. The whole time she’s urging me on to run and feeding me compliments, I feel worse. Seriously. I’m being coddled because I can’t hack it. And then I let her know that while she argues against my logic. I finish the run with her, which was pathetic to say the least, and I’m approached by the guide again. He reiterates what he said earlier, but in a calmer tone, making a metaphor that I wasn’t “making the cake”. (don’t ask, just know that it involves ingredients and I wasn’t putting all of them in). The look of pity and frustration in eyes only made me feel worse as I drove away. I still feel angry, not at them, but at myself for STILL not being able to hack it. I’m really at a loss here. I work out six times a week, I’ve been dieting properly, staying hydrated, getting enough sleep…etc. I almost don’t know what else to do. And as for these past few weeks, I still really haven’t seen much of a change or felt it. All in all, its not good enough.
And this is my dilemma. Do I keep going, only to embarass myself and fill up with shame?
The funny part is that I already know the answer and this dilemma is actually just an easy choice to make. I’m just upset that I keep failing is all. But then, I pull myself up and do again, and again, and again.
And I will be there, front and center, this coming Thursday. My pride will take more hits and I will frustrate many people, myself included, but I will still keep coming. I’m going to feel like crap with either decision, so why not feel like crap as I slowly edge my way towards what I want? And with those thoughts the dilemma just turns into what I already know. So here’s my frustration, my shame, my anger, a dash of self pity, and slight fear of seeing everyone again on Thursday. That’s what I’ve been doing today.
And lastly, I’ll comment on how I “almost” don’t know what else to do. The almost part refers back to me not running enough. It’s a simple enough solution that I just don’t seem to be implementing. That’s a big reason as to why I can’t give up, I haven’t given this my all. Not honestly. So now when I say I work out six times a week, I better be able to throw in the statement that I also run six times a week. Really. Come on now! (a statement for my conscious)
Ok, ok this is my “lastly” part. A word of advice to anyone/everyone, flax seed in bread is amazing! Not the taste and texture, but how it makes you feel afterwards! I feel lighter and my body “breathes” easier. Maybe that’s a little too much information there, but honestly, you need to try it!
15 Sep 2011
The ID has controlPosted under Uncategorized Tags: Gothic, inspired, writing
So I’ve gotten over the flu. I’m not dead yet. Actually it was more annoying than deadly. Harumph. I’m back to exercising my butt off again as well. I even joined the Marines on their biweekly workout this Tuesday and shall see them again tomorrow. I’ve yet to receive positive results, but as I’ve said before, there’s nothing left to do but keep going forward. At least the bruises I earned from crawling around in a rocky field make me feel pretty macho. I haven’t weighed myself yet either. I’m going to wait to see if I gain or lose when they weigh me again. Fingers crossed that I drop down!
I’ve also been kept pretty busy as of late. I’m going to hang out with that friend again (the one I give advice to) this Friday. It should be a good time. Besides her, work, and working out, I’ve been reading and taking notes like a madwoman. It feels good to dedicate myself to numerous “passions”. I’ve been outlining the chapters for the book I want to write, but I’ve also been reading up to compare writing styles, get plot/character ideas, and to just get a feel for what else is out there. I was so eager to absorb and be inspired that I went ahead and checked out quite a number of books in a variety of fields. Some fiction and some non-fiction. Currently I’m reading up on gothic short stories to get sort of a morbid feel. I kind of only have a vague sense of where my characters are going and the terrain is still a bit fuzzy, so I’m reading up to rifle through older ideas and create something new out of them.
Here’s a link to the book: http://www.amazon.com/American-Gothic-Tales-William-Abrahams/dp/0452274893
Throughout this process, I’ve been amazed at what I’ve been missing! I never knew Nathanial Hawthorne, author of “The Scarlet Letter”, wrote these grim kind of short stories! I am impressed and delighted to have stumbled across these treats. I’ve also come across numerous authors I’ve never encountered before. I just finished a chilling piece by Charlotte Perkins Gilman titled “The Yellow Wallpaper”. Really, the concept behind it. Mmm. Quite terrifying when one thinks about it, but if you read the story, you’ll know that one shouldn’t dwell upon it too much.
Besides these distractions, I’ve got nada. I still have room on my plate for other things, but we’ll see what falls into place. Maybe a small segment of a social life? Maybe another hobby? What about a love interest? Hmm, who knows. I guess I have to keep moving forward, don’t I?
05 Sep 2011
The ID has controlPosted under Uncategorized Tags: james shirley, poetry, Rainer Maria Rilke
Here’s a few poems from the latest book I’ve just finished titled ”An anthology of the poetry of vision from Catullus to e.e. cummings: The Crystal Cabinet” . These two were my favorite. Enjoy!
On Nights Like This
All Cities Are Alike
On nights like this all cities are alike,
with cloud-flags hung.
The banners by the storm are flung,
torn out like hair
in any country anywhere
whose boundaries and rivers are uncertain.
In every garden is a pond,
the same little house sits just beyond;
the same light is in all the houses;
and all the poeple look alike
and hold their hands before their faces.
On nights like this my little sister grows,
who was born and died before me, very small.
There have been many such nights, gone long ago:
she must be lovely now. Soon the suitors will call.
-Rainer Maria Rilke
(translated by C.F. Macintyre)
Song
from CONTENTION OF AJAX AND ULYSSES
scene III
The glories of our blood and state
Are shadow, not substantial things;
There is no armour against fate;
Death lays his icy hand on kings:
Sceptre and crown
Must tumble down,
And in the dust be equal made
With the poor crooked scythe and spade.
Some men with swords may reap the field,
And plant fresh laurels where they kill;
But their strong nerves at last must yield;
They tame but one another still:
Early or late,
They stoop to fate,
And must give up their murmuring breath,
When they, pale captives, creep to death.
The garlands wither on your brow,
Then boast no more your mighty deeds;
Upon Death’s purple altar now,
See, where the victor-victim bleeds:
Your heads must come
To the cold tomb,
Only the actions of the just
Smell sweet, and blossom in their dust.
-James Shirley
02 Sep 2011
The ID has controlPosted under Uncategorized Tags: job, marines, Money, Weight gain
Today was a good day.
I haven’t mentioned this before, but I randomly picked up a second job! Life’s worries seemed to have slowly melted away (after I went after them of course!) I went into a coffee/bread shop (that I’ve never been in), while waiting for that friend I mentioned in the earlier post, when I got to talking with the owners. They were extra friendly and so was I, since I was in a chipper mood. After we bantered back and forth a bit, they offered me a job. They didn’t even ask to see my resume, although I quickly filled out an application for the bureaucratic red tape reasons. My first day was Wednesday and I worked a little bit today. It’s a really fun environment and they are very flexible with me, since my schedule varies with my other job and I train with the Marines on Tuesday and Thursday evenings.
Speaking of the Marines, I got to “play” with them today. I regressed a bit in areas, but I’m still plowing forward. I still feel a bit coddled, but everyone is encouraging me. I think they are pushing me more, since I haven’t given up yet. I don’t plan on it either. I even “ran” with everyone instead of going to my car and driving away today. I had to follow the group a few blocks behind, but, dammit, I still made it; I crossed the finish line. I’m going to keep trying and that feels good. No more self pity. I’m really tired of feeding that feeling; I think I’ll just put it on a diet.
And now speaking of diets, I’ve sadly gained 3.3 pounds since they last weighed me. 
I was told to avoid carbs and work out minimum 6 times a week. Ouch. But, alas, what must be done, will be done. Grrr, I’ve got this!
Other than that, I’ve started back up on the full fledged novel idea I had a few months back. I found a few of the notes I made and the passion uncurled and woke up inside me again. I really want to complete at least one book in my life, but I have two solid ideas to go with. If/when I complete this one, I may share a link on here for the curious readers to digest. Be forewarned, it’s fantasy. That’s all I’m going to divulge. So, yup. Good day. Tired, yet happy, but hungry. Good thing I’m broke so I can’t indulge in food. The worst part is that I’ve gone through the old stuff in the house already. I’m most likely going to resort to Chili flavored ramen. Again. Ugh. At least it will help me lose some pounds! With that being said, I’m going to warm up my cardboard noodles and crawl into bed.
28 Aug 2011
The ID has controlPosted under Uncategorized Tags: advice, gay bar, marine
I’m still trying to plow forward with my decisions. Giving up isn’t an option…well it is, but it’s not a very nice one.
I’m apprehensive yet again about the next warrior night with the Marines this coming Tuesday. I might embarrass myself again, but I have to keep on coming. If not, I’ll just slide into a self pity party and never come back. That’s not on my to do list. I’m still training on my own and I’m trying to break the habit of giving in while running. I actually fought it back for quite a while yesterday after lifting weights. I think I’ll save the running for last, since that’s what they do on warrior nights. Train to train with them, ha!
Besides working out, I’m actually going to hang out with a friend on Monday evening. I know what you’re thinking, wow, she has to post that in a blog? Well, I’m not exactly a social butterfly, so this is quite the feat for me. Usually when I hang out with her it consists of me giving her advice while avoiding her hooks for compliments. Her esteem is even lower than mine and she has a lot of growing up to do. I know it seems as if I’m putting her down, but I do have respect for her and I do like her (or else I wouldn’t waste my time on her.) I am starting to think of her as an extra younger sibling. It’s rather strange that I would be giving advice, but she asks and sometimes listens to it. Mostly I just let her reach her own conclusions, rather than tell her what she should do. She knows what she should do and want she wants to do, sometimes she just wants the go ahead to do the bad thing. I’m not much help in that department. So we’re going to a restaurant to chat and see where she’s at in life. I’m good with that. I’ve also promised to go to the bars with her when she turns 21 this coming winter. That’s going to be a challenge on my part for a variety of reasons. Besides the lack of appeal bars have to me, there’s the matter of her being bi. I get to take her to a gay bar as well as a straight one. She’s young still and doesn’t know what she wants out of life, but there’s no one in the region willing to take her around and I strongly suggested she not go alone. So, I get to help her later on. I’m sure we’ll both learn from it, although I’m not too comfortable about the idea of bar hopping (gay or straight). The funny thing is that I told her I’m only helpful when it comes to spotting males, not females. She kind of got a kick out of that. She’s on her own when it comes to hunting down the ladies.
That’s all I have for now. A better mood and funny/strange situations I might get myself into later this winter.
24 Aug 2011
The ID has controlPosted under Uncategorized Tags: motivation, positive thinking
I am trying to think positively as my mother suggested. I didn’t research it like she had asked out of me earlier, so I thought I’d give it a chance. I’ve found a strange website that offers simple steps that I should follow. I will earnestly try them for myself and for my mother’s sake. I’ve decided that I’m not going to give up yet. The Marines is the only thing I can think of that will make me happy. I want this and I shouldn’t give up just because it’s difficult. I haven’t spoken with the recruiter yet, but that will happen before work tomorrow. I need to set up a plan where I can run with another individual, since running with a group isn’t working. I’m thinking my lower level of running is in my way of happiness and I’m NOT going to let it win. Really running. That’s the enemy, not myself or my past failures. I’m just going to have to overcome this. I’m only failing if I give up. As to the money situation, I’m going to have to get a second job somehow. Many people are doing this and I”m going to have to join their ranks. I really want a physically demanding job that will help me with my training, but at this point financially, I can’t be picky. I feel a bit less of a dramatic Whiny McWhinerpants today. I’m still a bit sad and slightly overwhelmed, but I am going to get through this. I’ve come this far and I’m not going back. I’ve been through much worse and made it. Here’s the link and my response to the steps. I will research some more when I have free time. I am a big fan of multiple perspective and techniques. As for now, I’m headed to work with these thoughts on my mind and a little less knots in my stomach.
http://positivemindwealth.com/positive-thinking-techniques/
#1) Write it down.
The list of good things that already exist in my life.
1. My health. It’s pretty great, especially with an extra 47lbs off.
2. I have a running vehicle and it’s paid off.
3. In this economy, I have a full time job.
4. I have friends, great friends from college.
5. I have a loving family.
6. I have a place to live.
7. I have a 4 year degree.
I can’t think of anything else at the moment.
#2) Replacement
Negative habits I need to change.
1. Giving up on myself, especially when things get tough.
2. Belittling my accomplishments.
3. Avoiding social interactions.
4. Being ashamed of myself.
I need to replace these thoughts/actions. As to what will work and what I’ll stick with, I don’t know yet. A lot of things are easier said than done. (as cliche as that sounds).
#3) Positive Affirmations
I need to make some affirmations to repeat “religiously” to boost my self confidence/esteem. I’ll invent some.
#4) Visualization
Where do I want to be in the future? I want to be in the military, specifically the Marines. I want to be in tip top shape. I want to be social and comfortably so. I want to be confident in myself in my work and social life. I want to be in control.
#5) Use a vision board
Get symbols, pictures, and write down my affirmations on a board that I can see to remind myself. Don’t lose sight of what I want and to re-energize myself.
#6) Circle of Encouragement
Seek out others with similar goals. (I’ve actually already done that so far by going to Warrior nights with the Marines. There are other candidates wanting the same thing and they are working towards the same goal.) I should get more friends to work out with. I need to reach out, let go of my pride, and ask for help. That’s going to be tough, but if I want this, I will do it. (notice the will part)
#7) Be the source
When I see others working towards their goal, be the support system for them. Notice and recognize their efforts. Let them know. In return I can see my own accomplishments in a new light and gain respect for my efforts.
#8) Celebrate the small steps
Take a moment to recognize my efforts, so that I am motivated to push further.
24 Aug 2011
The ID has controlPosted under Uncategorized Tags: frustrated, marine, past due
Knotted stomach, furled brow, clenched teeth, and many sighs. The combination of these things means only one thing. I am having a pity party.
I have a few things that led up to this pathetic predicament. I’ve recently discovered a few discarded envelopes that were actually even more student loans that I have to pay monthly, so not only is my bill list even higher, it’s now over due. This adds to the stress that I’m already behind on a few things on top of that and I still can’t find a second job. My current one has a varied schedule every week and every employer I’ve encountered has ”harumphed” at that without a job offer/interview. Crap.
The second thing that’s put me in this mood is yet another embarrassing failed attempt at exercising with the Marines. I slipped off the bar where we do an arm hang and almost face planted, but what really frustrates me is my lack of improvement and my constant inability to run with the group. I gave up yet again and looked pathetic yet again. I feel as if I’m wasting their time and mine. I could feel judgement and eye rolls as I pulled off to the side and let them pass. One of the worst feelings is that they were expecting this from me. I could tell from the team leader’s body language and lack of attempt at making me continue. He just let it slide because let’s face it, I did this last time. The sad part is that I shouldn’t even have to be coddled. Really. If I want this so bad, why can’t I get over this? Why can’t I just f-ing run? I’m feeling so frustrated because it’s been two months of me trying to progress and constant failure is thrown back in my face. I’m running out of options here (no pun intended). I really don’t know what else to do at this point in time, so tonight, pity party.
I’ve tried to vent about an hour ago to my mother, but we both decided to end the conversation due to my emotional state. I don’t yell or raise my voice by any means, but any attempt to make me feel better or to give me advice is quickly thrown into “that won’t work” pile and just further frustrates me. Her advice seemed cliche and sort of mocked my last two and a half months worth of work. The advice was easier said than done, but advice usually is. She reccommended positive thinking to get me through running as if I hadn’t already tried that. She also claimed that my thinking is self defeating and that’s why I keep backsliding. So all I need to do is make a list of all of my accomplishments as if that’s going to magically fix everything. That list is going to make me run better, really? I can see what she is trying to say, but I still notice (and am slightly proud of) how far I’ve come. Noticing that doesn’t help me and when I responded with that, she stated that was self defeating. I must have given the impression that I wasn’t taking her advice into consideration or that I wasn’t understanding what she was saying, so we bid each other adieu (on neutral grounds, we’re both adults here). That phone call sort of made me feel a bit more pathetic and made me feel my attempts were belittled. I don’t know what else to tell her, but we’re going to talk again tomorrow.
So, I’m sitting here in my little room in my sister’s basement venting to the vast internet. That’s my story today. I’m still huffing (not paint!) and upset. I don’t have any solutions at the moment and I feel trapped, helpless, and like a pathetic drama queen. The only thing I can think of is that I need to speak with my recruiter about this tomorrow. I don’t know if that’s going to be a good thing or a bad thing. I still really want to join the military and I can’t stand the thought of giving up, but…(I don’t know what goes here yet). I’ll just have to speak with him and try to come up with some realistic solutions. Seriously.
13 Aug 2011
The ID has controlPosted under Uncategorized Tags: antisocial, marines, training
So I trained with the Marines here in town today. I’m really trying to stay positive, yet realistic at the same time. I keep telling myself that I can only get better from here. I am a bit sad about being the bottom of the totem pole on the physical fitness level though. All this training has led me here. And I still have a long way to go! Alas, I will still keep moving forward…even if I’m the weakest.
On a positive note, I did double my flexed arm hang today. I do a lot better at that when I have people screaming at me to keep going. 31 seconds whoop!
I really, really have to work on my running and on my crunches/situps though. At least I have a goal to keep working for. I’m still ignoring the losing weight part, since that will fall off with all the training. So far I’ve lost around 47lbs in all (and counting!) For the Marines, I’m going to have to lose 7 more lbs., but for my personal goal, I need to lose 17 more lbs. I’ll eventually get there, especially since I won’t be able to ship out to basic until April/May at the earliest! Sigh, it’s like that for all the branches, but the Marines are the only ones willing to work with me and are the only ones really taking me seriously. We shall see how I do in the up coming months. I’m rooting for improvement, not only physically, but mentally as well. (Fingers are crossed!)
Other than that my summer has been filled with working and sleeping (I’m an exciting individual, I know). I’m going to maybe, quite possibly, if I have the time…to be social and stuff….later…yeah. I’ll let you know how that goes.
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